Michelle and everything else you ever wanted to know

oh yes while i'm assured most people enjoyed the BDO, i have to say cracking a rib and ripping a tendon in my arm and missing out on every single band at the whole event is not what i had orginally planed for my day. arriving at a splended time of 3 just in time for the boiler room and dizee rascel which was retarded as i couldn't see anything, then off to see the medics for a panadol as i had a splitting head ache....... 2 hours later i managed to meet up with a highly pissed of sharna as she nearly missed most of billy bragg etc as she was looking for me..... i had to sit next to morons and dip shits who had taken E or drunken too much i was in for observation as i told them that i had been stung by a bee.... a week previously shit man i'm ok can i go, can i go?! alas we went straight to see BJORK the only reason i as in attnedance, lining up to get in an hour previous to starting, they decided not to let any one in and i mean any one..... well being stuck in a crush is one thing getting out of the crush is another i eneded up spending 2 hours of my life being crushed against a steel fence, managing to bruise not only both my breasts but cracking a rib and nearly dislocating my shoulder and elbow...... during all of this the only part i managed to see of bjork was the top of a few lasers and a bunch of rage aginst the machine dick wads commenting on how crap she was...... plus every one was cramming themselves into the right staging area while bjork played to about 5 people on the left, in between feeling the most sorry i have ever felt for myself and kicking people to save my own life and limb. i managed to see not one complete show or a one band up close i tink i saw nick hart and i see him all the time in chch any way........ worst day ever! i'm now stuck in auckland with a cracked rib a deep depression and have spent up a wad of cash on not much! i'm going to cry myself back to christchurch.

ahahh off to the bdo, we scored the sweetest hotel room, on the cheap at sky city. i'm so stoked. man 2008 seems like a good year, i got stung by a bee but thats all good 5 days off work won't hurt any one lol. well it is effecting my sanity.
by stung by a bee i mean leg swells up to the size on my head can't walk and doss on the couch bee sting lol not ouch that smarts lol. im terrified if i ever get stung on my face though i could just use that as a bloody good excuse.
i'm going restless not having anything to do, every one is at work.... when did they get jobs? as far as i could tell they have been sitting on their cherry arses for the whole year and now they get jobs! where are the people to entertain me lol. i have to quit with the lol's. bye for now.

this is my xmas video of our flat, it is nuttso weird but i will share with every one because it had the fabled felt craft work cock and fanny in it

long time no post ahahaha. man i really feel like slagging heaps of people off in some sort of cathartic expulsion of nasty bitchy crap but i think may be not, this stuff comes back to bite you. any how it tis the xmas season so jollyness is all around. have been watching huge amounts of SGA, and the x files, and firefly with related comic and movie, yes people i have become a urber geek.
any one going to the BDO just to see bjork..... as there is nothing else to see really oh Rage against the machine but that will be shit with all the freaks present. argh i have nothing to say i guess there is one part of me that would rather talk all my bs on this computer then i would also like to keep that crap to my self as its usually only transient crap.
i can't wait to travel one year in west port and then I'm on my way. a rolling stone gathers no moss. man i wish my pay would go thru

again i am in my PJ's i would have to be the laziest bum i know, oh a text message................................................................ WOW here i come

Kate bush is FUCKING brilliant.
If you don't like kate bush you don't know what your missing, this is freakin awesome . going to Vegan place for tea tonight.
Plus so are The Sonics, so listen to these two bands.

ok doe ok. went and saw the lovely sarah and her equally lovely daughter ashlee, managed to get really lost having caught the bus, so i had to leave quite rudely having turned up late.
Then dashed across town to the Wunderbar as i had promised adam i would turn up for at least one of his shows this millennia. So sincerest apologies to every one for my extreme dizziness. well i'm off to bed as i have a 8'o clock start. Argh and then work at 5, and a essay to write. much love

Yeah i have to apologies for my dates on my postings they are munted i've worked back a few weeks/ years so everything from my last post is this year and everything after that is from last year but says its its this year sorry.

with my facebook and myspace being my most favored places of internet drivel posting, my crappy as Bebo and livejournal have been left quite behind, i haven't written in this for a year. so a plan on making improvements. i've been reading everyones journals and it seems to me that i have made very little progress maturity wise in the last 7 years, yeah well of course i've matured some what but i think my scarred childhood slash teen age years have left an unfortunate gap in my emotional maturity.
to be continued......

hey hey how is every one?
I'm so bored i've 3 movies and i only watch half of each one as i as so bored.
some people say only boring people get bored, those people have never been stuck in timaru.

I filmed with sharna last night, i'm dressed as a nun. fun for all.

I'm starting to realise that people can read my journal, and that flushing cats down the toliet is a criminal offence, who knew. won't do that gain. i love cats.
and i'm willing to write more open ended things. oh yeah.
um to day i woke up and went to the desk and turned on my computer, it made a sound, the mac sound.
maybe a bit more closed.
i'm so tired but i don't want to go to bed, i want to cook this mince this nice doctor gave me, i'm so hungry i hate being poor and having no job which sucks yeah thats is way to much information, like i need to brush my teeth as i think i can smell them with my mouth closed, which isn't good for the other people around me when i'm talking. they smell like bandaids and bad breath? i'll go brush and floss now i have mouth wash too , i'll do the whole shebang tonight, i'll be minty freah.
well who knew i'd be writing such deep stuff in my live journal.
yeah the doctor gave me his mince as he was going away. thank you lords of doctors and mince you have been so kind, i

Im going nuttso facto.
sweet sleep, where are you.
i'll go pee as well.

NO I"M NOT DRUNK < I WISH

this is funny but i don't swear as much as this guy does, so i deleted some of the "fucks"
I HATE-
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

3. When people say "it's always the last place you look." Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

4. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No, I paid 13 dollars to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

5. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

6. When something is "new and improved!" Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

7. When people say "life is short." What? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?

8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, knob head?

9. When you're eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

10. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you McTosser.

I want to go home i keep on having a reoccurring dream that i'm at a party at my flat and i end up yelling at every one,
my flat mate gives me the creeps possibly cause he reminds me of my younger brother, ie a real wank, but i can handle it when its my bro but this guy is just a joke.
Yeah i used to steal cars, i went out with 3 girls at the same time and then i got sick of it and invited them all to the same bar and then left, yeah what ever.
those kind of people are whack.
I don't have much time for it so i just call him on all his shit as he keeps on lying so i just go but didn't you say that you did that and not your friend, etc. hey that not what you said happen yesterday and so on and so forth,
now i'm scared he is stealing my shit, ie just like my bro.
or doing what Boys do best and start bitching like a manic, NZ guys actually do that a lot, rather than stand up for what they believe in they would see any one down the drain just to be in with the group. i guess girls do that too hold on they do, do that! man why is this shit so hard.
I guess i'm just going to go home and test the waters. i think i'm getting a tummy ache, i don't like boys. now i've made my self upset.
I'm going to be brave and confront it, instead of digging in and biting anyone who gives me lip.
i'm scared.
Im scared that i have to be the one who has to confront people. I guess that why i'm having that horrible dream.
does any one have any suggestions, i wish i had some one to talk too, sharna just says to move out, but i can't keep on running away can i?

well im not up to much..... did i ever tell you the dream i had that i was a monkey man on the run from these two child detectives, and their monkey.
it was weird like a comedy of errors, i was a cross between mel gibson and robin williams, ie very hair but a monkey and i was in aspen colorado for some reason and i was on the run through all this snow from these two detective kids and their small monkey i would be skiing down the slope on a pair of ski and a red hat and they would go hey there he is and i would look and it would change scenes, i would be sitting in a hot tub and relaxing thinking that those two kid won't find me here and the ydo and i jump up out of the tub and you can see my bum, weird, them in hiding up a big pine tree and swaying back and forth becuse i'm a huge hairy monkey and then the kids monkey finds me and starts jumping up and down i finally run away and i'm hiding in this big concrete tube feeling sorry for my self and i can hear the kids getting closer and closer and then i wake up. that has to be the weirdest dream i have ever had, it even had a theme tune when i got caught it would play a dun dun dun dee dum dah, whaaaa. sound bite and i'd be on the run again, im never watching the fugitive, reading a zoe and zette comic and watching any standup while going to bed eating choclate cake again.

well well. been filming with shaza, it been pretty funny for people who want to see some photos and stuff go to www.myspace.com/mlnm its got some photos of some funny stuff. if i knew how to make a link to it i would but because i don't i won't ( is that a word?).
oh well.
i found a kitten he was all bald and stuff on Kain tce in timaru, called him captain kain limey. or just limey for short, he's been living in my hostle room, sleeping in a box in the cupboard, hush! don't tell any one.
i'm kind of stuck in timaru. i need to get a bus home but i don't know about the kitten, if any one is traveling up to chch i can give them some petrol money. for a ride to chch.
i would but i don't think any one reads this.
do you know what is awesome RICKY GERVAIS. brillant. highly reccomend his podcasts.

today tomoro timaru ,well as they say.
isn't it amazing a few weeks away from people who drive you bats, does great things for ones mental health,
hanging out with shaza, spending quality time by myself, working in the mental health department with people who actually have less problems than people i know who aren't. its so weird, these people have very low threshold for crap, so they just come in when there illness gets the better of them.
most people put up with so much shit and cause so much shit and treat people like shit and themsleves like shit and some how seem to manage possibly cause they are around other people in the same boat, but man people are fucked up. thats just mental illness. well what can i say..... personality disorders, well well well well, have you ever thought you had some thing wrong, well its a personality disorder. and boy can i pick them, cluster A cluster B or cluster C. friends gather round cause, i got mega freaked out by the fact that most people i know have some sort of A,B or C personalities.
people who are push overs cluster C, people who have grandiose opinions of themselves, cluster A people who lie and manipulate people a combination of A and B.
its like this squirmy can of worms that has been opened, not to say that i my self don't fall in to such traits, i'd like to think that i'm a little bit of all 3 but i guess they even each other out. abit, a little. lol.

A couple of weeks ago i got told that some one was living life to the full, by drinking heavily and doing drugs, i found this some what amusing as in the bigger picture of things, living LIFE, i thought invloved living. some what in the here and now of things. lets take pot and booze.... depressants..... so your living life to the full by depressing your CNS, so that you can't comprehen whats actually going on around you.
on a scale of things lets say fulfillment in life is a ten sometimes thats hard and it seem unobtainable, lets say you can lower that ten to a 6 so you don't actually need as much to be happy but a 6 is pretty low, lets say you drink heavily and smoke some pot this makes a hard to reach 10 and boring 6 my straight standards but it pretty bloody funny 6 while your drunk.I don't know about you but i enjoy not looking like a dumb arse most of the time.
then again there are stimulants..... your living life to the full by isolating you self in your own high, which is fleeting and kind of pointless. i thought living life involved sharing it with the people who are around you, if you didn't enjoy doing this then why aren't people all living in shacks in the middle of now where.

If i ever do recreational drugs can some one shoot me cause, at that stage, i would have given up on life.
never again will i ever listen to the raving comments of some 19 year old boys, as in the wise world of things that have been . ie been there done that.

people may ask why i don't write about more amusing happy things.... cause this is a live journal, my journal. if i don't write what i'm thinking down i'm no doubt going to carry it with me all day. i don't want to be all cranky and judgemental, i just write it, i'm not trying to convert any one.

I go down to timaru in a week well on sunday. i'm stressed out to the max.
i have a head ache, and it won't go away. i need time to study but i can't cause i have work, and i can't during the day cause i have school. oh dear.
I have no one to talk to cause i think my family has disappeared off the face of the earth. hello? where the hell are my family. the doctor must think I'm a big loser cause he asked me if i had anyone to talk to and i said i didn't cause i can't get hold of any one plus i don't know where anyone lives.
I have problems, why can't i just be normal and have friends

i just sit in my room and then go to the gym and try and make my stomach flatter, which it is.
but there has to be more to life than work, school and ab exercises.
My medication is taking ages to kick in, i bought my self a pair of jeans but now the high has worn off and i have yet another pair of jeans.
woe is me. hopefully i'll be better by next week.
a dislike school, but i hate working more. i hate not being in control.not having any free time not being able to sleep in and why won't my jaw unclench, its so tight my teeth hurt.

I've had a horrible time, so very busy at school and no money cause everything costs money. lame.
simon broke up with me and now i'm confused so a slapped him, i need to get anger management stuff, hitting people is wrong.
well he did break up with me then invite his ex to our flat warming and attemped to make out with her, which i had asked him nicely not to do as he broke up with me the night before, then i slapped him.
what was weird was that he said he wanted to go on a break, i was pretty pissed cause like i'm going to wait for some one to get there shit together.
in reality i new he was talkin lies, i allways do, its my shit o meter, i just never trust it enough to make decisions using it.
sigh i'm not too phased, i made some one weep like a small child oh sorry he was a child, plus i probly got 15 kg on him so i'm a bully now oh how the shoe is on the other foot.
fuck.
i hate it when i'm like this, violent and tried.
im an insecure moron.
who drives a cool scooter and is going to be looking after acute mental patients in 3 weeks time, i'm so scared i'm really not in the mood to be around people.
i hate school.
after that i have to work in the gynae ward oh joy! fucking twats.

i have a head ache and no hope.
nah really i'm fine just sick and tired of lame lame school work boys talking crap.
why do guys think that talking blokey shit makes them seem tough when doesn't the rationale behind it make you a bit of a gay boe.
acting ultra male around females so that they are disgusted by you, to impress your guy friends, just sounds a bit gay. like reproductivly speaking the only people you attract with that behaviour is more guys. they summed it up really nicely in gender studies.